But she wants to know and understand, and more importantly, she wants to help, which is why there's a look and a small sigh of sadness when he still doesn't meet her eyes.]
It's not as strong as back in the dream, but... It's like I can feel a dull stirring in my chest just looking at where I...
[No, he can't say it. It's not just this time that the notion of biting her until she bled upsets him. It's the other times. That very first attempt on that first Halloween. That time when he was a lindworm and killed her by it.
That taste of her blood filling his mouth...
It's also vivid still even now, and again he feels sick to his stomach, his expression worsening before he roughly jerks himself away from her to get off the bed.]
I need some water.
[Something rinse out this horrid aftertaste that lingers even now, phantom or not.]
He slips right out of Tifa's hands this time before she can stop him, but she doesn't chase after him either. Instead, she lets him go, her eyes defeated and casting down to her hands when he so adamantly jerks himself away.
And before he can leave the room, the sheets crumple as she gathers them into fists.]
[His ear flicks back slightly, his step faltering before he disappears out the door. And once he does, the cold air feels sharp against his bare skin, the back of his neck pricking at the sensation. It's then he realizes it's worsening due to his own energy, and he roughly closes his eyes, willing it all back before he continues to the kitchen.
It's now that he's grateful the dogs are down with Lyria, though it also makes him worry. What if he falls into another episode? What if he loses control...
....
The water splashes out of the glass from his distraction, and he hastily straightens the pitcher before grabbing a towel to wipe up the mess. He then gulps down the water, swallowing some, rinsing his mouth with the rest. The only real taste he had was that bile from before, but the phantom taste of Tifa's blood won't wash away so easily.
Even worse, he knows how he's making Tifa feel, but what can he do? It's just... Too much for him to try and process in the moment.
So he'll stay out there for a few minutes before he heaves a heavy sigh and makes hi way back to the room.]
[She waits, giving him his space to calm down, to get his head back on as straight as he can manage. Maybe it's better for her, too. She feels so helpless, so lost in how to help him this time. How does one pull someone out of the thoughts she knows he's having when this has happened to him so many times? And if he keeps refusing her, then what else is there for her to do? Force him into it? That isn't how she is, despite wanting to reach out and grab hold of him, to firmly take him in her arms until he tells her everything.
Until he lets her in...
And, when he returns, he'll find her exactly how he left her those few minutes ago, parts of the sheets burned away under her hands from where she had accidentally heated them until a small fire had sparked before she could put it out. She can change them later.
[Her hand twitches to reach for his that presses to his face, but she hesitates, the words and actions still not coming to her, and she instead tightens her fingers in frustration. Frustration because how many times has this happened to them now? One would think that this world would grow tired of playing such stupid games with them given how they usually end, but it hasn't yet.
The difference now is that she should be able to find the words and actions that she could try to comfort and reassure him with, but...
When all else fails...
Tifa shifts, moving until she's nearly seated on his lap in front of him, giving no place to hide or flee from her. No place to look away from the strength that she tries to give him, or the truth.]
Those weren't your thoughts. And even if they were...
[She pauses, biting her lip, because she has a feeling he won't like what's coming next.]
[He stiffens when she moves on top of him, and there is an instinctive reaction to try and move away. To keep himself as distant from her as possible.
To keep her safe from him.
But for better or worse, because they've been through this so many times, he knows it would be fruitless. She would still come at him, and... Truthfully, he needs her warmth, her reassurance.
Even if he feels he doesn't deserve them.
Still he can't look straight at her, but at least he won't move away...much.]
...I could taste your fear, Tifa.
[A rough answer in reply, fingers digging into the sheets as he feels that wave of cold returning.]
[Tifa peers at him through her lashes, and he'll feel that thrum of familiar warmth in between their fingers, as if testing him.
She can't offer him her fear, not yet, anyway, but she can at least offer him this, if it will help soothe even those faint traces of it that still linger.
Whatever it is that hunted her, and him, that bit him... did ir want the dreamotion? It's the only logical conclusion, so... might as well test that theory.]
[She's focused and her voice soft, her shut eyes only opening briefly to meet his.]
I don't know... [She can read the question in his voice, and offers an honest answer.] I don't know what's going on or what it is, but if it's dreamotion, or fear, or whatever you need to make it go away, then...
[Now finally understanding what it is she's trying to do, he frowns and shakes his head.]
No, don't.
[...However he won't pull his hand away.]
I just need... A little time, that's all. In my head I know it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't change the fact I tried to hurt you... Wanted to hurt you...
[A trembling breath.]
And I was enjoying it.
Regardless of knowing I wouldn't really feel or think that, it still happened. It's not something I'll be able to forgive myself so easily...
[She won't heed his request, but instead, she only offers him the love that she has, the scent of starflowers filtering into the room along with a warmth to help thaw away any frost that might have remained behind.
Her head comes to rest against his where she buries her nose into his hair.]
Just as long as you don't push me away because of it.
[A small sigh, uncertain if he's frustrated or grateful for her stubbornness. But he tentatively raises an arm to hug her, pressing his head against her.]
I'll try.
[It's not as if he really wants to avoid her, but it can still be overwhelming. And sometimes he needs that bit of space so he can end up crawling back to her once he's settled.
But he does know for certain that her presence is helping, so he won't push her away this time. He had that moment when he got the water, so at least that's a sign of improvement compared to the last time.]
[She can still sense his unease, if only by the way his arm tentatively holds her, and she tries not to tense under it.]
... Mm.
[It's hard not to be a little unsure. She still blames herself for what happened—it was her idea, her dream, and then it was her who had been so stuck in her own fantasies that she hadn't seen the signs sooner. If only she had, then they might not be here like this right now, the air so thin it feels like it's about ready to snap around her. If only, if only, if only...
Well, it's leagues better than the last time it happened, isn't it...?]
[If she's honest, she isn't fond of the idea of sleeping either. Not after that, and especially not when she knows that whatever it is that's affecting him is still... there. Even just the smallest trace of it.
But she will give his hands a tug, silently asking him to lie down as she climbs off him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flamekthunder) wrote2025-04-07 09:12 pm
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Tell me what's on your mind? Please?
[He would do the same for her, wouldn't he?]
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[She can force his face back, but he can't look at her straight just yet, eyes downcast.]
...Everything. From what I did, to feeling it even now.
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[Those words don't sit well in her stomach...
But she wants to know and understand, and more importantly, she wants to help, which is why there's a look and a small sigh of sadness when he still doesn't meet her eyes.]
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[No, he can't say it. It's not just this time that the notion of biting her until she bled upsets him. It's the other times. That very first attempt on that first Halloween. That time when he was a lindworm and killed her by it.
That taste of her blood filling his mouth...
It's also vivid still even now, and again he feels sick to his stomach, his expression worsening before he roughly jerks himself away from her to get off the bed.]
I need some water.
[Something rinse out this horrid aftertaste that lingers even now, phantom or not.]
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He slips right out of Tifa's hands this time before she can stop him, but she doesn't chase after him either. Instead, she lets him go, her eyes defeated and casting down to her hands when he so adamantly jerks himself away.
And before he can leave the room, the sheets crumple as she gathers them into fists.]
... I'm sorry.
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It's now that he's grateful the dogs are down with Lyria, though it also makes him worry. What if he falls into another episode? What if he loses control...
....
The water splashes out of the glass from his distraction, and he hastily straightens the pitcher before grabbing a towel to wipe up the mess. He then gulps down the water, swallowing some, rinsing his mouth with the rest. The only real taste he had was that bile from before, but the phantom taste of Tifa's blood won't wash away so easily.
Even worse, he knows how he's making Tifa feel, but what can he do? It's just... Too much for him to try and process in the moment.
So he'll stay out there for a few minutes before he heaves a heavy sigh and makes hi way back to the room.]
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Until he lets her in...
And, when he returns, he'll find her exactly how he left her those few minutes ago, parts of the sheets burned away under her hands from where she had accidentally heated them until a small fire had sparked before she could put it out. She can change them later.
For now, her gaze snaps up when he returns.]
... Did the water help?
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[He'll be honest about that as he looks at her for a moment before he returns to bed...
...
He notes the burn on the sheets, but he won't say anything, already having a good guess as to how it came to be.]
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Eustace, please...
[She wastes no time getting to the point again.]
Tell me what I have to do to help.
[She doesn't know, but she wants to.]
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I don't know.
[He really wishes he could give an answer, but he has none.]
This was... It was just like that time when I was a lindworm. And I—
[He can't continue and just bites his lip.]
No, maybe it worse. At least then... It was just a single thought. But this...this was different. It was psychological.
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The difference now is that she should be able to find the words and actions that she could try to comfort and reassure him with, but...
When all else fails...
Tifa shifts, moving until she's nearly seated on his lap in front of him, giving no place to hide or flee from her. No place to look away from the strength that she tries to give him, or the truth.]
Those weren't your thoughts. And even if they were...
[She pauses, biting her lip, because she has a feeling he won't like what's coming next.]
It wouldn't change anything.
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To keep her safe from him.
But for better or worse, because they've been through this so many times, he knows it would be fruitless. She would still come at him, and... Truthfully, he needs her warmth, her reassurance.
Even if he feels he doesn't deserve them.
Still he can't look straight at her, but at least he won't move away...much.]
...I could taste your fear, Tifa.
[A rough answer in reply, fingers digging into the sheets as he feels that wave of cold returning.]
Tasted it and wanted more of it.
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...
And there's a hefty silence, only the sound of Tifa's shuffling and her steady breaths to fill it when she realizes something.]
Is that what you need to help make this go away?
[Her voice is heavy, quiet, as his her gaze as she stares at him.]
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What?
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Her fingers between his only tighten, and she lowers her eyes to them.]
Whatever this is... you still feel it, don't you?
[She can feel it.]
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She can't offer him her fear, not yet, anyway, but she can at least offer him this, if it will help soothe even those faint traces of it that still linger.
Whatever it is that hunted her, and him, that bit him... did ir want the dreamotion? It's the only logical conclusion, so... might as well test that theory.]
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...Tifa?
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[She's focused and her voice soft, her shut eyes only opening briefly to meet his.]
I don't know... [She can read the question in his voice, and offers an honest answer.] I don't know what's going on or what it is, but if it's dreamotion, or fear, or whatever you need to make it go away, then...
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No, don't.
[...However he won't pull his hand away.]
I just need... A little time, that's all. In my head I know it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't change the fact I tried to hurt you... Wanted to hurt you...
[A trembling breath.]
And I was enjoying it.
Regardless of knowing I wouldn't really feel or think that, it still happened. It's not something I'll be able to forgive myself so easily...
[Especially not when it's what, the third time?]
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Her head comes to rest against his where she buries her nose into his hair.]
Just as long as you don't push me away because of it.
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I'll try.
[It's not as if he really wants to avoid her, but it can still be overwhelming. And sometimes he needs that bit of space so he can end up crawling back to her once he's settled.
But he does know for certain that her presence is helping, so he won't push her away this time. He had that moment when he got the water, so at least that's a sign of improvement compared to the last time.]
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... Mm.
[It's hard not to be a little unsure. She still blames herself for what happened—it was her idea, her dream, and then it was her who had been so stuck in her own fantasies that she hadn't seen the signs sooner. If only she had, then they might not be here like this right now, the air so thin it feels like it's about ready to snap around her. If only, if only, if only...
Well, it's leagues better than the last time it happened, isn't it...?]
You should get some rest.
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I'm...
[A small sigh.]
A little afraid of falling asleep again.
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We don't have to sleep...
[If she's honest, she isn't fond of the idea of sleeping either. Not after that, and especially not when she knows that whatever it is that's affecting him is still... there. Even just the smallest trace of it.
But she will give his hands a tug, silently asking him to lie down as she climbs off him.]
Just relax for a bit, alright? I'll clean up.
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🎀 fin.