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[flamekthunder]

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[flamekthunder]

[...And there she goes.

His hand goes over hers as he moves in a little closer to her.]

No, you shouldn't have.

[His voice is firm as he looks at her directly in her eyes.]

Not even the machines and systems in Orkili noticed it, and whatever signs I did have were so subtle and not unusual that it would be unreasonable for you to think otherwise.

[starshower]

[Did he really expect otherwise? It's been on her mind since he turned, and then even more in the three days before he woke up while she was alone with her thoughts.

But his eyes and his firm voice capture her attention, willing her to look at him again, though her expression is still laced with worry and guilt... followed by understanding. It is true that nothing else had picked up on the crystal's existence there, and how was she supposed to know? That one dream had been a one-off, and by the time the nightmare happened, it had made a little more sense given what he'd been up to recently...

Even still, she wishes so much that she could have found something—anything that would have given them a sign, and they could prevent it from happening.]

I know.

[Her voice falls quiet, and with a rueful look, she leans in closer in turn, until her forehead bumps his.]

I just... I wish we could have stopped it. But it sounds like it was... almost inevitable.

[flamekthunder]

At least how it came to be... Perhaps if we noticed maybe there could have been a way to extract it, but—

[He purses his lips.]

It's not as if we never felt that area, and there was no visible discomfort or presence. It may not have even been solid until that moment when I turned.

[starshower]

[She doesn't like the sound of any of that at all. The fact that anything could be buried into the back of his neck and evade any detection is disconcerting, to say the least, and she's trying not to feel even a little bit paranoid about it. It's not working.

But another thought does occur to her, and there's a flicker of sadness in her eyes.]

... I wonder if that's how Violet found her way into your dreams. If she could sense it or something.

[flamekthunder]

[A heavy pause at the mention of Violet.]

...I don't know, it's possible. If we assume that the crystal was absorbing nostilium, then...she could have been attracted to it. But she also could have just been attracted to me to begin with.

[starshower]

[Her name does hang heavier in the air between them... They never did get the chance to properly process what happened... Not even that moment they took in the forest was enough time, and Tifa's hand that had been at his arm moves slowly down his arm to take his hand again.]

I really do think that she saved you. Even if you still turned because of that crystal, I think it could've been a lot worse.

[flamekthunder]

[He lets out a long breath as he interlaces their fingers and leans towards her.]

I agree. Which is why when it happened... I was so confused. I knew I hadn't taken in enough to spin out of control, and yet...

[And then a more aggravated sigh.]

Pisses me off, really.

[starshower]

Hm?

[She hums from where her head has found his shoulder, but she doesn't look up at him. Instead, she just watches the water ripple with each movement they make beneath it, the motion oddly soothing.]

What does?

[flamekthunder]

Violet...gave everything she had left for me.

[His eyes close with a heaviness filled with grief, guilt, and regret.]

Yet something like that...it was as if it was mocking her efforts.

[starshower]

[Tifa understands. She felt the same way when she had pieced all of it together, but she doesn't want to think of it that way anymore. It would only breathe more life into that thought when they could look at it differently.]

I know what you mean... I thought that, too. For a while.

[Eustace has always done this for her when she had doubts, and now...]

But we can't think of it that way. If Violet hadn't done what she'd done for you, who knows how many other people would have been hurt, or the destruction that could've been caused...

[flamekthunder]

[He mulls over it, and...he knows she's right. Wanting to look at things more positively, he does look back and thinks...]

...Maybe you're right. Maybe it's thanks to Violet I even had a chance in fighting back instead of being completely consumed from the start.

[starshower]

[She nods, her head resting against his now.]

I believe that it was a combination of you and her fighting against it that I didn't end up getting hurt in the end. And that it was her love for you that made all of that possible. No matter how much nostilium she took in, I don't think that much ever changed.

[flamekthunder]

[Her words are both nice to hear...but also another pain to his heart and he can only close his eyes and lean more against her.]

...And yet it was still because of me...

[starshower]

[With a bit of a rueful, apologetic smile, she lifts a hand out of the water to press it to his cheek, her palm warm to the touch, her own dreamotion seeping out of her fingertips and into the air.]

I think she would have done it either way. And... [Tifa's eyes glisten with the beginnings of tears, held back with a hard blink.] We don't even know if she would have survived after all that.

[flamekthunder]

[Even if she tries to hold it back, he can sense it and his arms move to go around her for a full embrace.]

...I'm sorry.

[He doesn't know what else to say, he can't even provide proper words of comfort. He knows better than to fully blame himself, but it's hard not to feel some of it, both for questioning if he was the reason as well as having been the one to have to destroy her, unable to save her. What if she had fed off of him? What if he had made her worse? Questions he knows he shouldn't dwell on, but... It's hard.]

[starshower]

I am, too.

[And the moment that his arms go around her and she's pulled in, the water splashing gently between them, she breaks. She tried to be strong, she tried to hold herself together for him because she wanted to be sturdy and solid ground for him to stand on. She knows what it's like, feeling like the world's crumbled beneath her feet, and she doesn't want that for Eustace. Not again, and not ever.

So she just holds him back, her arms going around him fully as she cries gently into his shoulder. Even when he woke up, she kept it all in, not wanting to frighten or upset him, and now it comes pouring out in a way that she would not let it before.

Relief, and pain, and sadness... guilt... all wrapped up in her body that's come bursting forth.]

We did what we could, but I still miss her. And... [She hiccups.] I'm sorry that I couldn't stop it. For you.

[flamekthunder]

[His arms only tighten around her, eyes closing tightly as that hurt and ache becomes suffocating. He knows she's trying to be strong for him, trying to be his support in his time of need, but she doesn't need to be. Rather, they need to be there together for each other, so while he still relies on her, he wants her to rely on him still. She was hurt, too, after all.]

You did stop it.

[His voice is a rough whisper against her ears.]

You still saved me. That's what matters.

[starshower]

... I know.

[She knows she should be better about it. She's always said it to him, too. Yet it's still hard to let go of that need to be, that responsibility and that burden. She wants to carry his share for him until he is ready, but she also knows that it isn't what he wants.

And so she leans into him further, holds onto him tighter.]

I just... I want all of this to stop. How do we make it?

[It's been a long time since the last incident, but even then, they still haven't found many answers.]

[flamekthunder]

[A long sigh as he just shakes his head.]

I wish I knew. But we'll find a way... Somehow.

[starshower]

Is it too much to ask?

[Her fingers cling to the back of his neck, and she buries her face into his.]

To just live our lives here without all this dreamotion and these nightmares?

[flamekthunder]

It feels like it, doesn't it...

[A small sigh as he just continues to hold her.]

It'll be okay.

[starshower]

Yeah. I know.

[It will be. It always does get better with time. These wounds won't ever heal, but they can at least move on from them eventually, just like they had before. As long as she has him and the others, then she has no reason to believe otherwise. It's just hard now.]

Is there anything I can do now? ... For you?

[flamekthunder]

Just be here.

[And he's not brushing it off—just having her with him right now is doing wonders...and he really does need her presence and company right now.]

And...don't try to hide anything from me.

[That is, don't try and be strong and ignore her own feelings.]

[starshower]

[Her eyes widen a touch for a beat before they soften with something of an apologetic, sad smile.]

I can do that.

[She's getting better at it these days, but sometimes she needs a little push, a reminder every now and then that it's okay to let her emotions go and allow herself to feel them fully, and right now, that is something that they both need. They need time to grieve their loss, room to be upset and angry about what happened, and then they can figure out where to go from there.

Slowly, almost tentatively, she leans in and seeks his lips for a soft kiss.]

Oh. That reminds me. I... got you something while you were asleep.

[flamekthunder]

[The kiss does so much for him, he's actually a little wistful when she parts. But...well, he does kind of need to rest and recover a bit more, so he'll just have to let it be for now.]

Something?