[He can't see her, but she is giving the hardest side eye. Surely someone in another world in an entirely different dimension could feel the weight of that.]
The book with you and me in it. Not that I care particularly about the material itself, but it is a little disconcerting to have anyone come in and out of my place. You could have simply waited to bring it to me.
[She was right. Good instincts on that one. Although she honestly couldn't figure out why anyone else would have. They wouldn't have understood the reference or the significance. And they would have not benefited from it.]
I did not choose to do any such thing, Eustace.
[She wouldn't have made such a decision if it had been presented to her. Although as it stands, she's not sure how she would have responded to it at all.]
Were you, perhaps, reminding me of our misadventure? I have quite vivid memories of it. I doubt you would know the answer to this, but was anyone else in there aside from you?
But I thought you would like a memento of it and be aware since it is publicly available for anyone to read. [Hint hint.] Other than that, I do not recall anyone else was there at the time. However it did look as if others might have been there before me.
[...A memento. He wanted her to have... a memory? A fond memory, she assumes. In one way or another, she supposes she feels a little touched by the idea. It's another awkward moment. One in which she's grateful that he can't see it in her. But he is likely intuitive enough to already know how she's inclined to respond.]
Then I will continue to keep it in my possession.
[She can't thank him. She won't. Kind words are not a simple thing for her to air. Besides—]
I see. I do not suppose there is a way to keep that from happening. I do not think anything was missing. Not that I am aware of. Yet. I suppose I will need to do a more thorough investigation later.
[Beatrix initially has every intention to list each reason why she doesn't even entertain the notion of changing her traditional apparel voluntarily. Eventually this line of thought, however, comes back to Steiner and his ridiculous, unsightly armour. Even in another world, the man is capable of making her seethe. One might think that's an impressive feat.
The question Eustace follows up with, however, is a brilliant distraction. A much-needed one, really. Old grudges have a very good chain on Alexandria's general.]
No. Had someone been, it is very likely I would have run them through. Far better that there was not. If anyone thought to look after me, it was certainly not at my request and I hardly consider anyone close enough to me to warrant such.
While I can understand your position, I think you give yourself less credit. You're also forgetting there are a great number of individuals who would consider you "close enough" to "warrant" such care regardless of your own personal opinion.
[Though as he's writing this, he remembers something.]
Much to my chagrin, I can admit that you are not incorrect in your line of thought.
[She can't help remembering what she said during the flower festival. She didn't ask for anyone to care about her. She never wanted that to begin with. All she wanted was to be left alone, so she wouldn't have to deal with expectations, letting someone down, having to deal with the concept of allowing someone to grow close to her and handling everything that comes with that.
What Eustace follows up with, however, leaves her with a pause. Ah. She is almost positive she knows of whom he speaks. It's not as though she knows a great deal of dark skinned, redheaded men.]
[Admittedly, she doesn't even know how she should feel about any of this. She knows he was worried. Maybe Eustace was a little too. Less worried and more simply wanted to make sure she was... comfortable? Who knows. She tries so hard not to think about stuff like this.]
I see. That is Lord Dohalim. Former lord, I suppose, if one were to ask him, though I hardly think that makes a difference. [Once a lord, always one in one way or another.] A suitable potential member of that council I should like to see instated for matters of order and town defence.
[Of course that's not the whole gist of it. She doesn't even know what to call him.]
We know one another beyond that. His use as council, however, remains valid.
I suppose it would not be surprising for him to be concerned, though I have given him no reason to do so. He is the lord, after all. In Alexandria, I protected my queen. It was not the other way around. It should not be any different here.
[Wait. What? Does she view him as someone of higher status or rank than her...?]
That would depend on if he cares about such ranks and order. To him you might not be a "knight serving royalty" and just a woman of exceptional skill whom he's befriended.
I know his thoughts on it. Dohalim prefers to separate himself from his lordship. To him, it is a thing of the past.
[And she understands why. She does. But he's taken responsibility for what befell his people. To her, he couldn't be any more admirable as a leader. Some would refuse to do any such thing.]
Your assessment of him is most likely accurate. He has made little secret of his feelings on how I approach our acquaintanceship.
[...What... what the heck kind of question is this? Beatrix, yet again, has no idea how to even address this. Isn't it kind of obvious already? She sees herself as the dispensable protector and one dark skin, redhead as the protectee.]
I suspect he finds it tiresome that I continue to treat him as a lord who I would rather protect than be protected by, despite his insistence that he would wish to provide the same to me in return.
He has a fondness for being soft of heart. Values 'friendship' and other concepts of the sort. Kindness. Charity. Empathy. Not a fool, as I have sometimes called him, but perhaps a practitioner of foolish ideas when it comes to my involvement.
[Because he makes her feel as if she's valued. Because even though she doesn't necessarily believe him, Beatrix would like to believe that she matters for more than her position.]
I can respect that he is a better person than I am. A capable adversary in combat. A good leader. I am able to objectively admire that, and perhaps envy that I am not that kind of individual.
[There is of course much that cannot be conveyed through text. But even so, he can at least sense that despite what she says, she sees this Dohalim more than just a simple "acquaintance" or "ally." Friend? Maybe, maybe not. But probably closer to it than she may admit.]
Given how often he came to your house, I suspect he must feel similarly.
I had questioned whether I should have approached him, but as it is it seems there was no need for concern.
He thinks many good things about me, despite my attempts to ward him from doing any such thing. Your suspicions are likely accurate.
[Even just this discussion, this cryptic and vague exchange, Beatrix realises that her feelings regarding Dohalim are incredibly complicated. And she doesn't like that. It would be easier to say that she appreciates him for who he is and leave it at that. She'll say that as often as she has to, but she imagines anyone who knows her will understand it might not be that trivial or mere as she treats it.]
On the contrary, it might have been better to remind him to keep his presence to his space and not to mine. It would be improper for him for visit me in such a way. What is done is done, however. I would prefer to act as if it never happened at all. I am awake now. There is no reason for such things to have repetition.
I hardly know what you mean by that. If he only showed when I was asleep, then he has no reason to continue doing so. If he should, I will simply request that he not.
[She assumes that's what he's getting at. With the two of them, they sometimes go in such roundabout circles, that it can be difficult to determine what they're really getting at.]
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The book with you and me in it. Not that I care particularly about the material itself, but it is a little disconcerting to have anyone come in and out of my place. You could have simply waited to bring it to me.
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I had been unaware that you had decided to fall into a prolonged sleep and it seemed pointless to return when I could just leave it there.
[There he admits it. Mostly because he doesn't really want to play the coy game that long.]
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I did not choose to do any such thing, Eustace.
[She wouldn't have made such a decision if it had been presented to her. Although as it stands, she's not sure how she would have responded to it at all.]
Were you, perhaps, reminding me of our misadventure? I have quite vivid memories of it. I doubt you would know the answer to this, but was anyone else in there aside from you?
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[If that reads as flat as it sounds—it is.]
But I thought you would like a memento of it and be aware since it is publicly available for anyone to read. [Hint hint.] Other than that, I do not recall anyone else was there at the time. However it did look as if others might have been there before me.
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Then I will continue to keep it in my possession.
[She can't thank him. She won't. Kind words are not a simple thing for her to air. Besides—]
I see. I do not suppose there is a way to keep that from happening. I do not think anything was missing. Not that I am aware of. Yet. I suppose I will need to do a more thorough investigation later.
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Unfortunately it seems to be a decent seller. Just don't go around wearing armor and no one will be the wiser. [Probably.
But her last words make him pause.]
Was no one there when you woke up? Since things were in order the one time I came I assumed someone was helping to look after you.
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The question Eustace follows up with, however, is a brilliant distraction. A much-needed one, really. Old grudges have a very good chain on Alexandria's general.]
No. Had someone been, it is very likely I would have run them through. Far better that there was not. If anyone thought to look after me, it was certainly not at my request and I hardly consider anyone close enough to me to warrant such.
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[Though as he's writing this, he remembers something.]
What about that man? Dark skin, red hair.
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[She can't help remembering what she said during the flower festival. She didn't ask for anyone to care about her. She never wanted that to begin with. All she wanted was to be left alone, so she wouldn't have to deal with expectations, letting someone down, having to deal with the concept of allowing someone to grow close to her and handling everything that comes with that.
What Eustace follows up with, however, leaves her with a pause. Ah. She is almost positive she knows of whom he speaks. It's not as though she knows a great deal of dark skinned, redheaded men.]
Ah, him.
[Yes. Very informative.]
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This might be interesting.]
On occasion I would pass by your area and would see him either entering or leaving from the direction of your home.
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I see.
That is Lord Dohalim. Former lord, I suppose, if one were to ask him, though I hardly think that makes a difference. [Once a lord, always one in one way or another.] A suitable potential member of that council I should like to see instated for matters of order and town defence.
[Of course that's not the whole gist of it. She doesn't even know what to call him.]
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[ie, is this guy really just kind of work friend or—not that he's jumping to conclusions yet.]
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We know one another beyond that. His use as council, however, remains valid.
I suppose it would not be surprising for him to be concerned, though I have given him no reason to do so. He is the lord, after all. In Alexandria, I protected my queen. It was not the other way around. It should not be any different here.
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That would depend on if he cares about such ranks and order. To him you might not be a "knight serving royalty" and just a woman of exceptional skill whom he's befriended.
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[And she understands why. She does. But he's taken responsibility for what befell his people. To her, he couldn't be any more admirable as a leader. Some would refuse to do any such thing.]
Your assessment of him is most likely accurate. He has made little secret of his feelings on how I approach our acquaintanceship.
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.......And he's a little curious.
...
What the hell.]
And that would be?
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What are you really asking me here.
[Let's just cut to the chase.]
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[He had been tempted to call it out as friendship, but he knows Beatrix so he doesn't. He'll just not so subtly imply his thoughts instead.]
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He has a fondness for being soft of heart. Values 'friendship' and other concepts of the sort. Kindness. Charity. Empathy. Not a fool, as I have sometimes called him, but perhaps a practitioner of foolish ideas when it comes to my involvement.
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[LOOK SEE HE CAN UNDERSTAND.]
Yet you put up with it.
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[Because he makes her feel as if she's valued. Because even though she doesn't necessarily believe him, Beatrix would like to believe that she matters for more than her position.]
I can respect that he is a better person than I am. A capable adversary in combat. A good leader. I am able to objectively admire that, and perhaps envy that I am not that kind of individual.
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Given how often he came to your house, I suspect he must feel similarly.
I had questioned whether I should have approached him, but as it is it seems there was no need for concern.
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[Even just this discussion, this cryptic and vague exchange, Beatrix realises that her feelings regarding Dohalim are incredibly complicated. And she doesn't like that. It would be easier to say that she appreciates him for who he is and leave it at that. She'll say that as often as she has to, but she imagines anyone who knows her will understand it might not be that trivial or mere as she treats it.]
On the contrary, it might have been better to remind him to keep his presence to his space and not to mine. It would be improper for him for visit me in such a way. What is done is done, however. I would prefer to act as if it never happened at all. I am awake now. There is no reason for such things to have repetition.
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I won't say anything.
But I doubt it'll end with that.
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[She assumes that's what he's getting at. With the two of them, they sometimes go in such roundabout circles, that it can be difficult to determine what they're really getting at.]
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